( and that’s the thing with decisions. choices. always a forked route before you, one path forever uncharted. so many what ifs have permeated the confines of lan wangji’s mind. even before wei wuxian, quiet then, cloistered, until they clawed their way out and made their home in the hollow space between the beats of his heart. it jolts vibrant at wei wuxian’s proximity, warmer where their shoulders briefly touch, but then it just sort of collapses, offered a smile too bright for him, and words that sting anew.

his pace slows down, a dark little thing in his gaze. if lan wangji was one to smile easily, his lips might have curved slightly forlorn. ) A wise man would not have left so long a trail of torments in his wake. ( mistakes. what ifs. things he could have stopped. others he should have encouraged. inaction is just as cruel a crime as any, clean hands still bloody. he sighs, chest constricting at the thought of lan xichen, so different yet still the same. ) My brother’s fault lies in the benevolence of his heart. ( true, untainted, abused. his jaw tightens, remembering his older brother’s lessons, and his failures despite them. the casualties, and the prices paid. ) Perhaps mine was not kind enough.